Rebekah did not know what Isaac's personality was...or whether he had been taught the five love languages. She did not know whether he was handsome, handicapped, intelligent, or romantic. She did not know anything about him! She only chose to believe what the assistant said: that God had chosen her to be his wife.
Relationships do not come together that way anymore... These days, women are pursuing men. Men are taking a passive role in the process. And even worse, marriages are destroyed even before vows are spoken.
Lately, I have heard young women say they want their husband to be a leader. This is a great thing to want, since men are responsible before the Lord to lead their homes and families. He is to lead.
But lately, I see young women looking for and choosing a husband based on whether he will lead her in the direction she already wants to go.
In doing that, she is balking at submission to her husband by marrying a man she does not trust (or allow) to lead her...and worse, she seeks to lead him.
I also hear married women say things like, "My husband wants to do (A) and I want to do (B). I am praying for God to lead my husband in this decision." In saying that, some (dare I say few) have a purity of heart about it, and simply are asking the Lord to guide him in his decision.
But in my experience, many who have said these words have also ignored the call to submit to her husband's headship and responsibility to lead. It is not bad for her to want something different than her husband wants, but once she has laid her thoughts on the table, she must leave them there for her husband to take up or pass up. He is accountable only to God for the choices he makes for his family, and not accountable to his wife.
I know, I know....this is hard to discern when we hear another woman say it. So we must search our own hearts and find out why we may say the same things.
Why would we say, "I want (A) and he wants (B)"?
Is it because we believe our choice is best and we are praying that our husbands will "come around" to our way of thinking? We must be willing to surrender our will to the Lord, and defer to our husband in making that decision. Is it easy to do that? Not always! But you will be blessed in submitting to your husband!
Are we saying (A) because someone else (not our husband) has recommended it? I have had to tell someone before that if they have a suggestion for our home, that they are welcome to take their suggestion to my husband directly--but that I would not be the one to tell him how to lead his home and family.
Are we disrespecting our husband by not aligning ourselves in submission to him? Remember you are equal in value to your husband, but not equal in role. He will stand before the Lord and answer to Him on whether or not he was able to lead his family well. When we are not in submission to our husbands, it may also hinder his position within the church--thus keeping him from his calling.
Or are we disobeying the Lord by not submitting to our husbands, which is how He has said our homes should be ordered.
I remember a story I read in a book several years ago...(pardon the fact that I do not recall which book!). I will paraphrase the story:
A young man and woman married, but could not afford a honeymoon. They
decided to bike together through several towns from the city of their wedding
to the city in which they would reside. She carried the map in her bike basket,
and followed him as they rode.
Along the way, they found themselves arguing about which way to go. Sometimes
he said he knew a shortcut, but she could see on her map that another route might
be the right or better choice.
At some point, she decided to put the map away.
She realized that she would be where she was supposed to be if she was with her
husband, whether he was where he was supposed to be on their journey--or not.
Our calling is not to lead. It is not to be the head. God knows best, and we must be willing to surrender our will for His....and surrender our will for our husband's leadership.
Can you lay down your want and "let" your husband lead?
Do you find this hard to do? Why or why not?