It did my heart good to read that someone else understands my shame, confusion, and struggle. The deep anger and resentment she felt for her husband and unexpected life change allowed me to understand that my feelings are normal, but finding a way to forgive and move on is crucial for a family to survive financial hardship.
There are days I don't know how to forgive. There are days I don't want to forgive. It's an effort to smile and be kind. I want to complain and grow bitter because this....this seems easier. I want to blame everyone for my pain.
But God is faithful, and I cling. I cling because if I don't - I'm not sure how low I would sink.
My flesh and heart are wicked.
Clinging to God has been intentional. I've made it a point to:
- Read His Word daily (I keep a basket with handles filled with my devotional essentials near my bed).
- Pray without ceasing.
- Meet with my mentor weekly.
- Attend church regularly.
- Surround myself with strong Christian individuals.
- Stay away from gossips and judgmental people.
- Find a safe place where I can reflect and be quiet. I asked my husband to build me a shed where I can pray and write.
I have this in mind, but it probably won't be as elaborate. ;-)
Not everyone will empathize with my (your) situation. Many will judge and believe as Job's friends believed: You must have done something to deserve such ruin. God does not allow the righteous to suffer.
Stand firm and intentionally cling to God. At the end of the day, He's the only One that matters.
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus,
after you have suffered a while, will make you perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
I Peter 5:10